If you’re a fan of Sonata Arctica, you’re a sap. How will you be able to tell? Go to one of their shows, or better yet, check out the dual CD/DVD album, For the Sake of Revenge, "recorded" "live" in Japan, where curiously the bulk of metal bands’ live recordings come from.

It’s a duality of poise and preposterousness. All the while being impressed with tight playing, superb sound, and performances utterly faithful to the songs’ studio counterparts, you’ll endure cringe-worthy elements like cheese-eating facial expressions, the keyboardist smashing up his keytar after the show, and a constant, shameless stream of examples of the "mime what you’re singing as you sing it" school of vocal performance. And we’re not even going to comment on the music itself.

But the real proof as to your misguided loyalty is right before one of Sonata Arctica’s ballads, when the singer barks to a poor fan, "shut the fuck up!" and as he turns away, "I must sing in silence..." We don’t think he was kidding.

Excuse us, sir. Clearly you require the quiet worthy of the gallery at a golf tournament during the final putt, or even the absolute hush of prayer during mass at a great cathedral for the high art that your band puts out in the heavy metal medium, as exemplified in the way your formulaic band writes its cookie-cutter albums in their entirety at the last minute while entering the studio to record the very same album. The same albums that have essentially no riffs to speak of whatsoever, unless you count the guitarist playing one power chord every two seconds, or fast picking the same couple notes over and over.

Certainly you need as little noise as possible to concentrate on your craft of singing your craptastic lyrics about lingerie while touching yourself like a sissified poser.

It’s easy to pick on the Japanese. They’re loyal to the death and won’t stand up for themselves. Let’s see you pull shit like that in the US. Oh, that’s right, your band doesn’t play here because you can’t make American audiences swallow your musical tripe.

So support Sonata Arctica if you must. For the Sake of Revenge is a damn fine live album package with great sound and performances... for what the music is, anyway. But the words "reality" and "check" were never so inseparable. (reality check/10)